Bipolar Disorder, Healthy Minds Canada

How Do You Describe Bipolar States?

This post first appeared on Healthy Minds Canada’s website: https://healthymindscanada.ca/describe-bipolar-states/  

I watched the documentary Bright Lights with my friend this weekend. Bright Lights is the HBO documentary about Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds. It is a very honest documentary. There are parts that will make you smile and laugh, tear up and possibly cry, and nod in agreement.

One fan of Carrie Fisher’s said,

She epitomizes a strong woman who speaks her mind and I wish I was more like that.

Thanks to organizations like Healthy Minds Canada, many of us do speak our minds like that! I wish more people were that open about their diagnoses and felt free to talk about their mental illnesses. But, stigma is still a barrier.

I will take this opportunity to quickly say that March 30th is World Bipolar Day, so if you are on social media that day, post about it and help change the conversation about bipolar disorder and mental illness. This year, International Bipolar Foundation’s theme is “My Bipolar Fuels My Passion For” (#MyBipolarFuelsMyPassion4), and focuses on creativity.

Getting back to Bright Lights, there are clips of Carrie Fisher talking about bipolar disorder and describing her moods. This is one such line:

Roy is rollicking Roy, the wild ride of a mood. Pam is sediment Pam, who stands on the shore and sobs. One mood is the meal, the next mood the check.

What an analogy.

Mania is the wild ride, the carefree “I don’t give a F***” mood that just frolics around not worrying about the consequences of his destructive actions. Mania is the fun friend everyone wants to party with and get into trouble with. You don’t have worries when you have mania. You can’t feel worried.

Depression is watching the world go by and feeling like an outsider. You sob uncontrollably. Bipolar depression feels endless, and as though no one or nothing can comfort you. You feel so alone.

I know I am slipping into hypomania (a “milder” form of mania) when I become numb and start to care less about certain things I usually obsess over like having things very organized and clean. My laundry may sit in a basket for a week before I put it away, or I have piles of magazines, work, or mail all over my kitchen table and couch. “I don’t care, no big deal, it’s just paper, it’s not hurting anyone.” Or you can walk inside my condo with your shoes on and I won’t care vs. “NO- your shoes have been outside and they were in dirty areas and you will get germs everywhere!!!”

When the hypomania comes, I have energy, I feel reinvigorated and then all of a sudden I get things done at home and am very productive at work. Then I feel unstoppable and I think I can take on a lot more than I can. The creativity flows and the ideas are never ending.But I forget that what goes up must come down (even though I have experienced these cycles many, many, many times).

The best part of hypomania (aside from the creative bursts) is feeling numb towards emotions and feeling a reprieve from anxiety. When the high wears off, the anxiety comes back and sucker punches you so that you fall down and you don’t get up, because you become low. The depression sinks in. And so it goes, and if you rapid cycle like I do, you experience these states frequently, instead of having a predominant mood. I go through these cycles multiple times a year, sometimes in a month or in a week. It is exhausting.

I want to find a middle ground, but it’s so hard. The best coping mechanism I have is routine. I know what I have to do when I wake up, I know why I wake up and I know I have a purpose. I know I have responsibilities. Even in these contrasting states, I still function. I know there are people who criticize the use of medication, but you do what works for you. It works for me. It’s not the only reason I function, but it plays a significant role.

Carrie Fisher also said,

You know what would be so cool?….To get to the end of my personality…

The end of a personality. Where does my personality end? Maybe, as a creative person, it is endless. Maybe there are parts I have yet to discover. But that’s for another day.

I’ll leave you with this line that Debbie Reynolds said in Bright Lights,

The only way to get through life is to fight-you don’t make it through the easy way.

Standard
Bipolar Disorder, Healthy Minds Canada

How to Practice Compassion

This blog first appeared on Healthy Minds Canada’s website: https://healthymindscanada.ca/how-to-practice-compassion/

ETTwitter-1024x512

I’ve written before about how powerful and overwhelming thoughts can be. When you are feeling anxious or feeling depressed, or a combination of both, you have thoughts that are hard to process and thoughts that lead to further feelings of distress. These thoughts are real to you and are important as part of your mental health journey.

There will always be people who think that our anxious or depressed thoughts make no sense, are illogical, and essentially are trivial thoughts. You know the people who I am talking about. The people who think other people have “real” problems (i.e. physical injury or illness, suffering a loss, surviving a disaster) and therefore your symptoms of mental illness don’t count, because other people “have worse problems than you do“.

Coming out and being open about living with a mental illness is courageous and a brave thing to do. I wanted to share my story and encourage others to do so because suffering in silence is painful and feeling ashamed of something that is no fault of your own is foolish. It’s just plain wrong. I say we are brave to be open and share our stories because that stigma is a real b**** and we have to teach her a lesson.

I always tell people don’t apologize for something you didn’t do, or something that isn’t your fault. So why feel ashamed, or apologize for our condition, or symptoms of our condition?

I know we can’t expect everyone to understand what mental illness is, what it looks like, or how it affects us on a day to day basis, but a little compassion goes a long way.

How can someone show compassion or understanding?

Let us be our real selves.Tell us it’s okay to let it all out. Tell us to take off the “normal mask” we may have been wearing all week at work (to make things easier at work), so the real self can breathe.

Don’t make us think our thoughts have no value, or are trivial. Help us work through our thoughts if we are willing to talk about them.

Let us be silent if we don’t want to talk. Enjoy the silence with us.

Let us speak when we are ready to.

Give us space when we need it. We need down time to decompress. Mental illness is exhausting.

Make sure we practice self-care and self-compassion. Teach us to relax if you can. Give us gentle reminders that self-care is important and that whatever we insist we must finish today can wait until tomorrow, because most of the time, it really can.

Standard